December 2018 archive

The Princess Switch (2018) Netflix Review

This one seems to be the “hot” Netflix Christmas release for this year, so it was firmly on my list of movies to watch. The Princess Switch starring Vanessa Hudgens who you might recognise from High School Musical.

The Princess Switch

Synopsis:

Stacy runs a bakery in Chicago (CHICAGO! SHE IS FROM CHICAGO! If it is mentioned once it is mentioned a hundred times), who enters a Christmas baking competition in the kingdom of Belgravia. She bumps into the fiancee of the prince of Belgravia, who is her double just with a posh accent and pearl necklace. Lady Jane Poshface wants to find out what it’s like to be a “real life girl” so they embark on the ol’ switcharoony for a couple of days. What could possibly go wrong?!

Acting:

9/10

Actually not too bad, not too cringe. It’s no Shawshank but on our ‘Terrible Christmas Movie’ scale it’s up there.

Story:

9/10

SPOILERS

A solid score! Of course, it’s stupid and silly but I thought it was quite a cute story. Hudges does a great wondering accent from both sides, but none of the other characters seemed to notice? No “mate, what happened to your accent?”, I would have noticed!

I am not sure the whole rival with the woman in the competition was needed, it felt a little bit tagged on and didn’t necessarily bring anything to the story. Also, I mean…. she managed to bake an entire gigantic cake without a mixer, I am sure she can handle some filling by hand. Also, did anyone else notice the cake was decorated before she had made the filling? These oversights did make the whole attempt at creating suspense in the baking competition feel last minute and not very thought through. They were not needed.

Dead Parent Count:

2

Setting:

9.5/10

It could not have been more Christmassy unless it was set in lapland. We quickly move from Chicago to the snowy Christmas villages of Belgravia. The country seems to thrive on Christmas and it’s all about the decorations, baubles, stockings, trees. Every scene is pretty much focused around Christmas or doing something Christmassy.

Predictability:

6/10

It manages to be predictable without feeling like you are wasting your time because you know where the story is going. Yes it is predictable but I didn’t mind.

Cheesy Rating:

8/10

Mozzerella

Terrible Rating:

5/10

It is silly. It is not THAT terrible. I may have even enjoyed it.

Once Upon a Holiday (2015) – Netflix Review

Once Upon a Holiday. Cue awkward family photograph movie poster.

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Synopsis:

A princess of a teeny weeny country no one seems to have heard of is visiting New York doing her yearly Christmas meetings. She wants to go and explore and have fun, but alas now she is a grown up she has to do boring things. So she runs off.

Acting:

6/10

Hit and miss. The main actress playing the Princess is alright as are most of the main cast. However the opening sequence with the child actor is pretty painful. The chap playing the (sisters?) journalist boyfriend is woeful. It’s like he went to the acting school for comic books are studied the villain chapter. He may as well be doing a Dr Evil impression.

Story:

7/10

SPOILERS

Don’t think too hard about the story, because it will ruin the fact it is terribly enjoyable. If you think too hard you realise it is terribly terrible. The beginning is somewhat amusing, even if it is not meant to be. She seems woefully inept at navigating the city and is wondering around like a doe eyed alien who has never seen a skyscraper before. She is mugged for her vintage camera and clutch bag, and doesn’t seem to notice. She just stands there blinking at our love interest like she malfunctioned, has restored to factory settings and is awaiting instructions. *blink blink* I did question the motivations of the “helpful” characters who seemed to just be okay taking in a woman who seemed like she may have had some kind of breakdown and wondered off without any ID in her fancy shoes. At no point is anyone like “love you ok?, can I call someone?” instead like, “here have some chips and a kip on my sofa”. Bizarre.

Also the journalist who seems to be covering this story and it’s his make or break career moment doesn’t recognise her? Fail.

Dead Parent Count:

2

Setting:

8/10

The film feels pretty Christmassy I think. City Christmassy. One of the main plot points is that this was where she felt close to her parents as they would all visit together at Christmas time. There are lots of lovely decorations. And of course the token Snowy European Mountain of her kingdom (queendom? princessdom?)

Predictability:

7/10

Of course we know there is a happy ever after coming and the warm and fuzzies are on their way. However it doesn’t feel like a tiresome journey to get to where you know you are going.

Cheesy Rating:

7/10

Burrata

Terrible Rating:

6/10

It is suitably terrible in that you don’t want to admit you actually might have enjoyed it.

A Wish for Christmas (2016) – Netflix Review

A Wish for Christmas was next on my Netflix tour of terrible Christmas movies.

A Wish For Christmas

Synopsis:

Sarah is a junior website developer for a marketing company with dreams of moving up the ranks. However she is unconfident and afraid to speak up, meaning that people like her boss walk all over her. Santa pops by to grant her one magic wish (ta pet) and she wishes for courage (ala cowardly lion) which she has for the next 48 hours. HURRAH. Cue sassy pants, making goo goo eyes at the CEO of your company and decorating cookies with his Mum.

Acting:

8.5/10

Lacey Chabert plays the main character Sarah and does a pretty standard Hallmark movies job. Ticks the boxes for me. Extra 0.5 for the cute child with speech impediment “fwanks Sawah”

Story:

8/10

It’s corny, but corny like a nice barbecued corn on the cob smothered in butter. It’s what I want going into a Christmas movie. I am not sure magic Santa wishes were necessarily required in the plot, could have been that she just had enough and started speaking her mind.

Dead Parent Count:

1

Setting:

9/10

Starts of city, heads over to small snow capped ski town. Cute houses, snow, smothering of fairy lights and baubles. Random carol singers. Scenes are suitably Christmas pretty.

Predictability:

8/10

Overall we all know where the story was headed but there were some nice sassy pants moments that were not too painful to watch. It’s predictable in the warm cosy way, like you know what you are getting. A comfortable old pair of slippers.

Cheesy Rating:

8/10

Cheddar

Terrible Rating:

6/10

Can’t lie I enjoyed it, I had a nice time. It is not that terrible. It certainly isn’t great but it’s what I want in a Christmas movie.

 

Angel of Christmas (2015) Netflix Review

Hallmark movies, Angel of Christmas was next up.

Angel of Christmas

Synopsis:

Susan is set the task of writing an article (looming deadline, Christmas of course) about a wooden hand-carved angel that has been passed down through her family. The angel seems to bring people together (when I say bring them together I mean, doe eyes and marriage within a year or so…YIKES).

Acting:

6/10

Generally not too bad, but there are some super cringe worthy moments of weird acting.

Story:

5/10

SPOILERS

It’s pretty painful if I am honest. Even by my terrible movie standards. Her great-grandfather carved the angel for a mystery actress he fell in love with before meeting her great-grandmother. It’s all a big mystery. Both her grandparents and her parents met after dealing with this pesky wooden angel (who I am SORRY but is far too heavy for any sodding Christmas tree). OOOOOH MYSTERIOUS. Damn thing seems to be able to blow papers around, turn TVs on and cut out the power. What did G-G-PA carve this thing with?! Gandalf’s staff?

Susan hates Christmas because her ex dumped her one year. WORST REASON EVER. Get over it, have a gingerbread latte love.

Her love interest has paint splattered on his face and clothes for the majority of the film…we get it, he is a free-spirited artist. Susan and him are just so mismatched, I think that is what they were going for (opposites attract kind of thing) but it almost went too far. I give their relationship until Easter. She was better off going with the bloke in her office.

Dead Parent Count:

0

Setting:

3/10

Set in New York. Throw in a token snow cabin at the end. The constant CGI fluttering snow was really distracting and really fake. There is some laughable green screen. There are also some awful outside but actually inside a set scenes. Some points for token decorations thrown about the place.

Predictability:

8/10

There is a twist, I spotted early on. It is your bulk standard love story of opposites attract. Well at least I think that it what it was trying to be.

Cheesy Rating:

8/10

The rind of a strong blue cheese. The bit no one wants.

Terrible Rating:

10/10

Just awful.

Christmas Inheritance (2017) Netflix Review

Second on my terrible movie watch list was Christmas Inheritance

Christmas Inheritance

Synopsis:

A young heiress from New York, who seems to have remarkable random talent for gymastics but also been the most uncordianated clumsy person ever is sent to a small town Snow Falls to deliver a letter. Because apparently a post man won’t cut the mustard and it simply MUST be delivered by hand. Cue snow, fairy lights, silent night played on repeat and an inevitable romance with taxi driver/hotel manager Jake. Will she deliver the letter? Will she remember she has a fiance?

Acting:

8/10

Alright actually, at no point did it make me cringe or question if they had their lines written on their hand. Andie MacDowell makes an appearance.

Story:

4/10

(SPOILERS)

It makes an attempt to tell the “spoiled stupid heiress turns good” plot, yet kind of forgets to mention half of the plot points required for any sensible character development. She seems like a nice girl from the start despite doing some stupid things. The whole spoiled girl having her life turned around just didn’t really seem to work.

There are so many many questions. So many many holes. A snow storm means a run on the hotel of needy guests including the local homeless chap, however a romanic walk outside is had… and her fiance manages to drive up? Why is her fiance such an arse? Is it only when she is doing shots that she can do a backflip? The rest of the time she just breaks stuff and falls down? Her dead mother is mentioned at the end that, that was the reason she was reluctant to go to the town… was it? Did I miss this? Why does she seem to suddenly be running the hotel after about 48 hours? Did Andie MacDowell properly read the script before she signed up for this film?

Dead Parent Count:

1

Setting:

8/10

Setting is pretty cute. Small cute American town sprinkled in snow. The main action is in the super cosy hotel.

Predictability:

8/10

The overall plot is pretty predictable, but part of me thought it might be going elsewhere alas this was due to the superbly wiggly plot line that just made me question what on earth was going on.

Cheesy Rating:

6/10

A nice ripe brie.

Terrible Rating:

10/10

Truly awful

A Christmas Prince (2017) Netflix Review

I love Netflix. What I love more than Netfllix, are the terrible Christmas Movies on Netflix.

There are some absolute gems on there this year! So here I embark on my mission to watch them all and bring you the best of the worst, and the worst of the worst.

First up we have A Christmas Price

A_Christmas_Prince

Synopsis:

An American reporter is sent to the beautiful snowy mountain country of Aldovia to follow the story of their playboy prince who is set to take the throne on Christmas eve. She conveniently accidentally becomes part of the staff by pretending to be the princesses tutor and of course conveniently accidentally falls in love with the prince. Can she convince him not to give his throne up to his annoying cousin? You guess.

Acting:

6/10

Pretty solid score for a terrible movie. The villains in this story are pretty bad, reminded me of a kids movie. Maybe it was a kids movie? I am not actually sure… “size matters” *wink wink nudge nudge*. It wasn’t great. No oscars for best actor here.

Story:

5/10

I don’t think too much time was spent scribbling down the plot on the back of a beer mat. Perhaps room for a doodle of a pretty European castle.

Dead Parent Count:

2

Setting:

8/10

Pretty scenery. Think fancy snow resort, snow, castles, snow, horses, snow, twinkly lights, snow. Oh and snow.

Predictability:

9/10

Pretty sure I have seen this story before? It is hilariously predictable. Not a full score for one small twist I didn’t see coming.

Cheesy Rating:

10/10

Camembert.

Terrible Rating:

7/10

It’s pretty terrible. I made it all the way through though without too much physical pain. It even managed to raise a couple of smiles. Suitably terrible.